ENG 101 - Are you looking for an essay by your writing mentor? Here is a great web site that has many different links to writers. Please notice that this is primarily a list of fiction writers;however, many have written nonfiction pieces too so be careful! Dig around a bit, most authors have a web site where they post archived columns they wrote, portions of texts, and so - it should help you:

http://dir.yahoo.com/arts/humanities/literature/authors/literary_fiction/complete_listing/

Software Downloads Note: There are both powerpoints and pdf's of handouts on this web site. If you need to download the software to view these use the information below!

Click on the link below to take you to the Microsoft website. Scroll down and click on "download now" to download this FREE software that will allow you to view my Power Point presentations without purchasing the program. The download takes almost 20 minutes so allow time!! http://office.microsoft.com/downloads/2000/Ppview97.aspx

If you want to download any handouts off this site, you will need download Adobe Acrobat Reader. Click here to download: http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html

"It is only the story . . . that saves our progeny from blundering like blind beggars into the spikes of the cactus fence. The story is our escort; without it, we are blind. Does the blind man own his escort? No, neither do we the story; rather, it is the story that owns us." - Chinua Achebe Anthills of the Savannah

SENIORS: Welcome to your senior year of high school! It is all down hill from here, but don't start counting down the days yet! Read the college application essay below if you are in need of a giggle!

College Admissions Essay Question

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

Answer:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Hugh Gallagher, 19, of Newtown Square, PA, and NYU 1st prize in the humor category of the 1990 Scholastic Writing Awards